Fat-Free Dressing

Jessie and I went halloween costume shopping.  I wanted to be waldo...BUT we got a bit side tracked and found some HILARI-O-SO tid bits that might make you laugh. 

So...fat girls need undies, too!  There are absolutely NO cute big boobed bras for women.  If you consider "tan" a sexy color then you need some help.  So since we could not find cute big boob bras, we went to the spanx section.  For those of you skinny people who do not know what spanx are...its what women wear to make their stomach look flat.  It squeezes your fat until you can't breathe and makes you want to puke.  Typical.

This is what one spanks said...

What the hell advertising?! 

And to make things even worse when Jessie and I went to the book section (because fat girls looove to read books when they sit down to eat a fucking brownie) we saw this...



This is ridiculous.  Right beside this 17 day diet book there is a Southern Cooking Bible with how to make cookies with 8 pounds of butter.  God!  That would taste so good right about now!! 

But to leave ya'll on a lighter note...I am leaving you with this one picture!

Because this time next year we will be eating you.

In Ya Face!

It's okay to be jealous...I would prefer it if you were!

So my "goal" weight is not 165...I put 165 in their to make a "short term" goal so I would not feel like complete shit if I didn't make it. 

Psychology at its best!  Way to mess with the mind Nikki...

See ya'll on the other side :)

Seriousness

Nikki here...

Yes, I know I wrote a post last night...but I am writing another! Yayy me!

I just got back from Jessies (I feel as if she is my girlfriend, I see her everyday for atleast 4 hours).  We were watching this tv show on MTV (yes...MTV) called "I use to be fat."  Okay, we were watching this to feel better about ourselves, but that was not the case!

This whole show is about a person losing weight for a time period over 4 months.  This specific one happened to be a younger guy who lost over 100 pounds during this time.  All he did was eat leaner and exercised.  Seriously?!  Jessie and I aren't even THAT big...and we still havent found time to just get serious.

Needless to say...after the show we decided to get super serious.  It's going to take harsh comments from one another to get right.  Oh well...

I don't eat meat on the daily; in fact I could probably go months without eating meat.  I dont dislike meat...I just rarely crave it.  Meat has protein, though.  I need protein.  Instead of eating meat I will try this "veggie" meat called Morning Star.  My sister got me started on this when I moved in with her.  It actually tastes like meat and has protein in it.  I could deal with that. 

And when I am not working...I will ride my bike more.  I know its not "running" or anything like that, but it is cardio and I thoroughly enjoy riding my bike.  It makes me feel kind of "hippie" in my weird sort of world.  What I really want to do by the beginning of next summer is to do a bike-a-thon.  Nothing serious...just about 30 miles.  That is not much, but it will be a bit of a challenge.  How hott would I be then looking all suave coming across that finish line?! Booyahhhh

Calorie intake: about 1200 every day from now on.  I havent really even been eating this much...but I definitely need to watch my portions.  Jessie is doing this, too.  I downloaded an app on my iPhone called "loseit."  It's pretty legit.  If you can get this application...do it.  It's pretty simple and fatty friendly. 

What would be really awesome though...would be for ALL OF YOU to be super stern and tell us like it is.  Not too harsh, we have feelings, but just let us know that you are there.  Watching...because if we dont lose this weight we will be super embarrassed.  :/

&& I don't want my future nephew thinking he has a fat auntie.  Although he would be too young to think that, he needs a good accessory to go along with his cuteness: that'd be me!

Get on our asses people! 

Peace, love, and...veggie meat!
--Nikki

I've Been Eating Men...Along with Everything Else

Nikki here!

It's been a while my fatty friends, but I'm back!  I've been doing "semi" okay with the diet.  I am substituting coffee for meals?!  LOL. Okay, not that extreme, but coffee has been playing a major part in my day.  I've been cutting down on food and eating more salads for meals.  4 pounds down!

I don't want to bore you with my diet escapade...what I really want to write about is my recent man eating experience.  Yes, on a blog, for you all to read and laugh hysterically.  Let's begin.

I met this guy a few weeks ago.  Really hott.  Let me explain his hottness.  Dirty hippie.  Yes, I said it, I like dirty hippie men; the beard, the hair, the "peace and love" attitude.  Everything but the really bad smells that come along with non-attended to hygeine. Sue me?!  I will call him...Luigi.  No real names in this blog; bless his little hippie heart if he ever reads this.

It has been so long since I felt as if someone was interested in me.  && check this out...I lost no weight to have a hott guy like me?!  I must be pretty damn cute.

I won't go into all the nitty gritty details of this "crush," but I will admit that he is a good kisser.  Not good enough though.  Do you know what this heifer, Luigi, told me?!  "Nikki, I think I am falling for you."  Umm...what?!  No. And you need to take your hippie ass somewhere else.  No loving for you.

Really?!  Who in their right mind tells someone that they've known for 1 week that they are falling for you?!  Not this girl.  You, sir, were a rebound. All I wanted was someone that I could potentially use as a cuddle buddy!  Then you had to fuck it up and say you wanted to date me.  No. No. No.

One; I will not be in a relationship for a really long time due to the fact of dumb-ass Will (who, by the way, everyone thought was busted).  Two; I just want to date around so I can know how to eat different types of men.  This is like a science project. If youre worth it then you'll stick around til March. Three; the whole point of this blog was to be single.  I can't be single when you want to date me.  Go on.

Luigi, I did not care that you were 23 and did not own a car.  Okay, youre broke, I get it.  I know you had to ride a bike (like a legitimate bicycle) to and from work.  I was fine with that.  I know that you are an extreme alcoholic, ie you drink atleast 3 beers in the morning before you go to work...on your bike!  This didnt matter to me.  BUT it would matter if we dated.  I can't be dating some broke punk.  It makes you less appealing.  Hottness does not pay the bills.

So...I quit talking to him.  I deleted him off of facebook (ouch!), and completely deleted his phone number.  Yes, I did that.  And now he wants more.  Can't get it babe.  Get a car and learn to not fall for someone so quick.  I was just using you. *chomp*

On to other maneating experiences...
Jessie and I went to Rum Runners the other night.  Ironically I met someone that I recently deleted off of facebook.  No, not Luigi, this guy's name will be...Mario.  Yes, Mario.  I went on a facebook frenzy the other day and seriously deleted like 100 people as my "friend."  Luigi was not part in this, I deleted him after this frenzy.  Mario saw me out in Rum Runners and asked out flatly "why did you delete me off of facebook?"  Seriously guys? Really? If facebook is such a big deal then flippin talk to me on it! Or ask for my number so you can see me in person?

Evidently Mario thought that was a type of "flirt."  I let him think so...so I let him buy me a drink...or two. :)

Never talked to him again. 

Oh well.

I think I am doing alright, you know, not giving my heart up.  Once it's given up, its gone!  Whenever I start dating someone, then I become comfortable, and then I get really fat.  Not doing it.  Just buy me drinks, that's all I want.

Enjoy my fellow fatties! 

--Nikki

*chomp

Ugly Gut = Ugly Journey

Brutally honest is what we agreed to be at the beginning of this blog.  Jessie here.

Here it is.  I weigh 170 lbs as of this evening.  Meaning I've lost exactly one measly stupid lb, i.e. my muffin top is still fully in-flated and in-tact.  fail.  Needless to say I am not where I think I should be at this time.  The entire point of writing this blog is to be held accountable between each other and our (few) readers.  This is a time to re-evaluate my routine and find a more effective weight loss strategy.  Becoming a man eater is all good and well, but I need to establish methods of maintaining my man eating figure throughout the rest of my life.  Mid-terms, new jobs, and rejections are a part of life.  In particular, our lives.  Nikki and I are striving and struggling to incorporate weight loss efforts into our busy schedules.

Actions to ensure wanted results. 

Once I heard it said, "it's 80% what you eat and 20% what you do".  The 80% is where I need most work.  Does anyone else graze, like a huge fat heifer?  Because, I defiantly do.  I come home from work, open the fridge, and eat everything I can get my hands on.  I don't even taste it;  it just goes down the pipe, disappears into the abyss, and latches onto my gut, aka it's brand new home. It's akin to someone fasting for 40 days and 40 nights and Easter is finally here.  

So, I've decided to start counting calories using an online counter.  My plan is to consume an average of 1500 calories/day and include my average with my updates.  This plan still has no bearing, to my insane alter-ego that shovels food in my face in front of the fridge.  A strict cease and dissist order has been ordered by me for this behavior.  Comment and suggestions are welcomed if they will help tame the beast.

HELP ME!  To keep my goal, I need to loose 9lbs in 11 days.  I'll be happy with less, as long as the number keeps going down.   Also, see Man-eating section for an update.